Back on my feet today.

That was a figure of speech, I am in full health again, at least I feel that way. I also am feeling exceptional about the fact that I didn't have to take my usual quiz for Agron today, because it's not due until Wednesday and I actually got done with the my Arch assignment this time, which I hadn't done for the past two weeks. I'm so excited I'll probably spend my Friday night doing homework, rather than wasting it on mindless entertainment like TV and video games. Later tonight I might also go over to my old dorm to check on some old friends that are still over there, so there may be some time wasted, but it will be time well wasted, with friends.

In other news I found out that I got a C on a test that I expected to get a D on and a D on a test I expected to fail. I did myself one better than I thought I could. I know I can do better (much better) on the next tests, I just have to spend time on the material, and get as much help from the professors, TA's and well, if I have to the text books.

On that same note, even though I'm feeling really joyous and positive right now, I have one negative thing to add to the post: me complaining about the way I learn compared to others.
A letter to the self learners:

Dear self learners,
Please stop setting the standards. Stop making teachers think that we should be able to do that. If you want to learn so much, drop out of school, pack up your books, and go learn them, become the next William or Michael, go on make millions and billions, your losing money as we speak spending your time here in school. As for me I will stay here in school and continue to try and pay teachers for what I came here for, teaching. I need to be taught in order to learn. I need to be spoon fed information. I have a lot of trouble taking anything from a book's text and being able to apply it, unless that very text is read to me or rephrased by someone who does understand the material. So again I say to you, stop making it hard for me... unless you want to stick around and help me?

There, the end, I'm done complaining about my shortcomings.
This Extra February Post was brought to you by the leap year. WHOO HOO!

Oh I almost forgot, I may change the layout of my blog soon, with the new upgraded features. I'll miss this old color scheme. I know for some of you this page may be messed up due to my lack of html writing knowledge. It's supposed to have orange text posts in a wide left sided column and the left side there is a skinny column of links and side info of a light and dark blue color with yellow Titles dotting the entire layout, but for some browsers, like FireFox, it sometimes centralizes all the text into the center of the page, makes it the light blue color of the side bar and places the left side bar under everything (I think on the right side of the page instead of the left like it's supposed to be). It looks fine in IE7, I don't know what firefox's problem is. I hate that browser, when I had it on my computer it always had to jiggle the page every time it loaded a new one, I got headache and feared I was going to have a seizure after navigating like 5 pages. I'm glad Microsoft copied firefox's designs, they did it better.

So hot, and so cold.

I'm pretty sure I have a fever, and I hope it doesn't turn out to be the flu. Word is that it's going around my campus and it lasts around five days or so.

:-P I have a test to study for on Monday and a lot of homework to do, and I certainly don't feel like studying. I'm going to try doing a Yoga workout and fixing myself a fruit smoothie, perhaps that will help my immune system fight harder. Then hopefully I will feel better to study.

I was inspired to write this.

I sit alone in my room, staring at the empty wall with the door in it, not wanting to leave, and not having to do so either. I know literally what is behind the door, yet, I still wonder what is on the other side. It seems like something else is there, something that I wouldn't be able to see, something that I wouldn't necessarily know if I found it. Sometimes I feel claustrophobic and I have to open the door, open the shade and sometimes even the window. I feel I have to talk to a room mate, sign into aol, or leave a message on some one's facebook wall before I feel okay again, but tonight, I feel safe enclosed in my little room. Sometimes it's more extreme than this, sometimes I want nothing more than to crawl within a small dark space and remain there for a good amount of time doing and thinking of nothing. When I'm there, I'm not sad, or happy, or mad, or lonely, although sometimes I go there because I feel alone. The thing is, that only when I'm in the nothing, am I aware of the something. I may never know what that something is, but I know it is only there when there is nothing.

I lost, but don't despair

I lost the first two matches of my intramural wrestling bracket, which means I'm out of the competition. I forgot how much conditioning it took to be in shape for wrestling season in high school. That and I didn't realize how much my coach helped us out in that area without me knowing it. I made it through the first period no problem, but started to feel a little exhausted during the second period. In the first match I got pinned, so it ended there, but in the second match I only lost by a couple points, which means I had to wrestle the third period and I was definitely "gassed" as we used to say. I don't feel too bad about losing though, I'm glad to have wrestled, both matches were good work outs.

I had a history test on Friday, which is why I haven't blogged in the last week, too busy preparing for that and a quiz I had in another class, not that it did any good for the history test. Blah, I really need to start studying for his tests sooner, he makes it really hard. Sadly I finished the test. I know what your thinking, "Isn't that a good thing?" Well no, it's not because I didn't know a lot the answers so I guessed and filled in some bogus answers for the ones I didn't know which made those parts go by faster therefore allowing me to finish faster. I have been better prepared for his tests in the past, but in those cases, it has taken me too long to finish answering all the questions with the correct content. That's the sad part, the fact that I know I did bad on a test because I was able to finish it and knowing I would've done better had I not been able finish it. I can't help it if I'm a slow test taker, I always have been, whether I know the material or not. I don't know how I would be able to fix something like that.

Bible study tonight, and my room mate should be coming this time too. I'm excited again.

**Note to Sarah. Sorry about last post Sarah. I didn't mean to upset you, but I wish you would tell me how you feel about it, I fear you've boycotted talking to me, perhaps for more than just that reason. I hope you really just haven't been able to check back and/or reply because you were busy or gone or something. That would be a relief.

Wrestling, Bible Study, Rearragement of room, hw

I signed up for Intramural Wrestling this year. My first match is on Tuesday @ 5:oo PM. It's going to be really fun, I haven't wrestled in three years, and I miss it. It was my favorite sport, the only sport that I could completely zone everything else out and concentrate on just that. And I like not having to depend on your teammates to do well in order for you to succeed. Don't get me wrong, when I was in high school, I loved it when my whole team won a dual, but was still glad that I could be the decider of my own record. The other thing is that I like is that you get direct feedback for every move you make, and you can put your whole self into it. To elaborate on that, let me compare for you my football experience. I was the wide receiver, and on our team, the only way you were going to that feeling was if you were the full back about every three out of four plays... while on offense. As the wide receivers, we took in plays and therefore you only got to play once every three or four plays... while on offense, on top of the fact that they rarely ever threw the ball. Not a lot of involvement in football compared to wrestling. Plus I like the satisfaction of knowing that you really worked your tail off, and you can feel the exhaustion in almost every single muscle in your body at the end of a good hard match. I'll definitely be back to tell you how the match was.

On the other end of the spectrum, We're starting up Bible Study again, and I'm totally super excited for that. I don't like going to church very much but I feel like I need to have God remind me that he's there through something like a bible study or... church (if I have to, I guess). I especially don't like Catholic services because they are too strict and traditional. My room mate has a good point in that those new churches seem like a sort of marketing type of scheme in which the church has changed it's look and feel but "same great product." And while I agree that that seems a little manipulative after considering it, it doesn't make much of a difference to me, I still like those new churches, because of a few other factors that seem to outweigh that point of view.

First: Catholic services are so boringly traditional that I find it hard to concentrate on the Word, let alone to pull anything useful from it. Second: All of the propperness, tradition and ritual that have been built up seem like a bunch of bologna, because I'm pretty sure God doesn't give a flying horse $#!+ (excuse my language) about how expensive your "Sunday Best" outfit was. I think he'd really be just as happy if not more happy if people stop trying to be so proper and respectful with traditions, rituals, nice clothing, and (extremely) appropriate small talk before and after service. Don't get caught up in all that bologna people. "Come as you are" and JUST praise him. Third: All of those carefully carried out traditions that take place during mass, only leave about 10 or 15 minutes of true learning and taking in the Word of God. Considering how many people only ever think about God, when they grudgingly go to church on Sunday morning, 10-15 minutes is a horrible and disgraceful amount of time to be taking in that goodness and knowledge.

I don't even usually go to church because of all these things. If I wanted to go more regularly I'd have to find one of those new churches with a more upbeat atmosphere that was a little more concentrated on learning the Word of God than trying to be respectful to him. You can be friendly to somebody and appear to respect them, but until you stop putting up that front, pull down that wall of (almost fake) kindess, and get to know that person you can't truly call them your friend and you can't truly respect them. I see it the same way with God. I know it seems contradictory of me not to go to Church when I'm complaining about barely getting any time to spend on getting to know God, well it is contradictory. But believe me, I think that the 10-15 minutes are worth the hour per week, but all those things I mentioned make me so mad that it becomes very un-enjoyable for me to go at all. And my one last thought on the subject is that the new Christian music is not a marketing ploy to get young adults to come to their new style of church. Think about it, if Christian musicians singing Christian songs were in music for gain they probably wouldn't be singing Christian music. It would seem more logical if those musicians were simply musicians who are really passionate about their beliefs and therefore they make music about it.

Also I rearranged my room yesterday. When the fall semester started I tried 4 or 5 different arrangements until I found one that was not only highly functional and compartmentalized, but also made for a small and cozy atmosphere. Over the semester though, that small and cozy feeling became small and crammed and I was just feeling a bit stuffy from it being the same ol' same ol' set up for so long. So now I rearranged it, and managed to make it even more functional than before (because I can reach almost everything from my bed), and it is still well organized/compartmentalized, just less aesthetically pleasing and less cozy. On the other hand, considering the incredibly small size of the room in the first place, it's hard for it not to have some amount of coziness. And it being less cozy is a good thing since I was feeling a bit stuffy about the old set up. And why did I just write a whole paragraph about rearranging my room? Well, spacial organization is something that I think highly of as a wanna be architect. Function, (versatility, efficiency, organization) aesthetics, structure= Architecture.

So I should probably do some homework now. I'll be back in couple days.