My main problem is that I fail to do things that I should. I haven't made time for anything important lately. I don't read material for classes, I don't make time for the help sessions provided for classes that I need it. I've been behind in one class and so I avoided it out of shame for the last couple of weeks (that's about the stupidest thing I could have done). I haven't made time to read the bible, go to church or some kind of bible study/church group like CRU in several weeks. I haven't been paying attention to or contacting friends as much as I should, in some cases not at all, for example I haven't read Sarah's blog in a really long time.
I recognize and understand all of these problems, but these things have made me feel less than excited about achieving any of my goals. I see consequenses for doing something wrong or inadequate but somehow the rewards are not getting through to me. If I know about them they somehow aren't enough to motivate me to avoid the consequenses. I'm running from my problems, but I can't make my legs stop moving, I can't even make my head turn back to look at them. Deep down inside do I want myself to fail? If that is the case, what is wrong with me? What is the reason for all of this? I'm failing at life right now. Rest assured I'll NEVER "quit" but if I can't somehow get my act together, it's just the same. Making your list of smoothie resolutions is easy enough, but to follow them can go quite a bit less than smooth.
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This one is a hard one for me to write. I've spent the last two days either
balled up on the couch or trying to go about my daily business, but still
havin...
7 years ago
