Late Nights, followed by long days and naps.

Through a series of late night study sessions and working on projects into the early morning, and some long naps during the day have turned me practically nocturnal. I couldn't get to bed these last two nights until 5:00 AM, and since it was the weekend, I definately slept in until 4:00 PM on Saturday. Today I managed to get up by about 1:00 PM but I might as well have slept in because I'm staying up late tonight to finish a project that's due Tuesday. I wouldn't be surprised if I was up until my class "this" morning @ 9:00 AM. Maybe this could be a thing, I'll just move my sleep time to the day and stay up through the night until my morning class. It could work, but then I'd be NON-social, and I'm already shy enough. ehh. talk to ya later

EDIT:
Now: 6:12 AM
Location: Barracks

I'm going to bed, wake me up at 8:45 in time for class.

"A delicate arguement" by scott

I believe that arguements are good, but it's more polite to think of them as debates. Most times, if the people involved can behave in an acceptable manner and if sides of the opinion aren't totally WRONG, then I think that in the end both sides come out on top. Both sides are now enlightened in a point of view they may not have previously understood, and they probably both have moved closer to each other's beliefs. I'm not saying we should all end up thinking the same thing, that would defeat the purpose, but if we better understand each other's beliefs then we are more likely to get along.

The best thing about having debates (arguements) is that they work like the system of checks and balances we are supposed to have in our government. Everyone has their own agenda beliefs and values, but if we share our beliefs and values with others, we may find out though conversation, debate, and arguementation that our agendas weren't as good intention based as we thought. So this I say to you, next time you're having an arguement about what's right and wrong, don't shut the other person's thoughts out, but take them in and you may want to take a second to reconsider your own thoughts.

This post was inspired by both my roomate/friend and the very reason he is my friend, which because we don't necessarily agree all the time.

Time for an entry.

Lately, I've been feeling pretty compasionate about my career choice and I'm having a lot of postivie thoughts and experience with design along with a recently deeper interest in it too, and to top it off, today, my teacher told me that my ideas are very good and I do well in conveying them but, I don't do them on time. Alas, time has been my downfall since at least third grade. Late assignments, late assignments, late assignments! But I digress. The more I think about it the worse it becomes.

In other news, I have an assignment in marketing which requires me to compare two stores that have both online and brick and morter locations. I chose Best Buy and Barnes & Noble. And upon visiting the book store I had this fantasy of being the type of person who goes to the bookstore to pick up a book, buy it, read it and do it all over again every week or so. It doesn't sound quite as glorious in text but, the word enlightenment comes to mind. I don't know why it sounds like a cool thing, especially since I'm just not the type of person who would make time for that type of lifestyle.

Also I can't seem to get to bed tonight so I think I'm going to take a shower now and hope I can wake up for my class tomorrow morning.

Speaking of classes, I signed up for my new classes next semester, 5 classes. I should have every single one of my general electives done plus two history classes that I wasn't supposed to have taken until I got into the Arch. program. And, next semester I don't have a studio for once so it should be interesting to see how differently I can handle my time management skills. OH, and I applied for a job, I should be able to get it shortly with my method, and I'm hoping this will have a positive affect on my time management unlike video games do.

I think one of the reasons I am the way I am is because as a kid I changed schools 4 times before 5th Grade was over and I became a very adaptable type of person, easy and going with the flow so as not to create confrontation most of the time. But on the other hand, I can be very very stubborn about things and I'm not sure why or what has caused this trait in me. The stubbornness can often lead to "going nowhere" arguements. For example, I argued with my cousin once for quite sometime about how wierd it was that he wore gym shorts under his jeans and not just jogging pants. Strangely enough I do this a lot now myself, and my only arguement is that doing so creates versatile functioning.

Versatility is one of my favorite characteristics for a design to have. If you can design something to have multiple funtions (being versatile) but having a great aesthitic quality about it, then you've got something that can really be admired.

The end.

Self Awareness.

Last year, was my first year out on my own with no parents to answer to. I was all about finding out new things about myself that I hadn't been aware of before, I was constantly coming up with new ways that I could descibe myself and what I was about.

Now, I know all these things and I wonder if I know too much or at least I think I do. Its not helping me. I know that I'm not doing well in school and that I've become very lazy that I seriously lack motivation but I can't do anything to stop myself from causing more problems for me. My hypothesis is that somewhere along the line in the past years I 've lost something, perhaps a point of view, a lifestyle, some friends I used to hang out with, some beliefs that held my life together, I don't know what but something, or maybe a collection of small things, changes that have changed me.

I apologize to who ever reads these because my life hasn't been so well lately and it's just kinda sad and depressing. I have fun during the day, but it's pretty shallow fun and that's just not what usually comes to my mind when I have strong enough feelings that I feel like I should sit down and write something. Heck, I think I may have figured out why the NEWS is practically always negative, it's the most prominent in their minds. Good things on the NEWS are often shallow, lame or pathetic and that's why they don't put it on TV.

Anyway, I don't know what I'm going to do about myself, but I have some ideas of what I might do. Going along with my hypothesis from earlier, I may have lost something, which may have left some sort of void or gap in my life, and so now I'm on a quest to fill that gap. I mean my life has become incredably minimal lately. All I do is go to school, and the grocery store. Sometimes I go to studio to work on a project or to the library to study, but as you might guess, that doesn't happen often, because I'm sucking at school right now. So maybe if I started going to some bible studies or organizations, or if I got a job I could begin to fill that gap. Maybe if I had just enough distraction it would allow me to concentrate every once in a while instead of being so absent minded all the time and not doing my homework. I dread doing my homework, more than YOU think is possible normal students of the world.

Don't be worried though folks, the gap hasn't got me thinking scuicidal thoughts or of taking up drugs and/or alchohol, I would never resort to any of those to try to fill gaps or solve my problems.

I just don't know what to do, its like when writers get writers block, only have [motivation to live for anything or do anything] block. I have developed some wierd ways of being lately too. I feel a bit claustrophobic, I leave the door of my bedroom open to the rest of the apartment at night when I sleep, I used to have a curtain and a shade, but the shade has been up for weeks and the curtain pulled to the side for the last week, and sometimes I open the window even if it's cold out. I feel depressed because I suck so bad at school and that I have nothing else to do except watch TV, play video games and surf the internet.

I'm losing my will to do anything at all, and I need help...

So many things to be aware of and yet I haven't been able to bring myself to change any of it for the better. It just gets worse.